Because my life needs more excuses, more complications, and more reasons to procrastinate, I have finally given into the craziness that is Pinterest. Shoot me now.
To say that I’ve given in might be a bit of a stretch, when what I’ve actually done is nothing more that visit the web site and piddle around with it. I’d be lying if I said that I was technologically savvy. My kids know more about today’s technology than I do, which I guess in today’s society really doesn’t say much about their ability to adapt as it does about my lack of ability to. So when some new craze hits the Internet I tend to avoid it, not because I doubt its potential to be interesting, but because I know that I’ll fully understand it as much as I fully understand, well…ice hockey, which I’ve been told is more than just hit the puck into the net and celebrate by jumping around in a circle on the ice like a bunch of teenage girls who all just got asked to the 8th grade dance by the most popular guys in school. I just don’t get it. But after thirty minutes of clicking on pictures on Pinterest I can already see that this site may just be the death of me. Literally.
While mindlessly browsing the different posts (or pins I guess?) I saw everything. Wedding dresses. Wedding photos. Family photos. Furniture ideas. Craft ideas. Wardrobe concoctions. Food concoctions. Who knew there were such things as hula hoop chandeliers, a bedazzled Mercedes Benz, or pepperoni pizza casserole?
As I continued to scroll and click my lunch hour away, I stumbled across something called a no bake cookies and cream bar. What makes it no bake, you ask? Good question. What makes this bar no bake is that the cookies get the snot beat out of them in a food processor before being granted the good fortune of consummating with a melted butter and marshmallow mixture – much like rice krispie treats. Oh, and the cookie portion of the program? That’s right. Oreos. You know how I feel about Oreos.
I told myself that I had to have the recipe, you know, for one day in the future when I’m feeling bad about myself and need to indulge in a pan of creamy, chocolaty forgiveness. But as quickly as I tried to talk myself into finding the recipe I closed the browser. I mean, why would I willingly subject my carb and sugar-starved self to the humiliation of asking that something called Hungry Girl Foldit Flatbread be added to our grocery list if I was only going to give in to the cravings of my more animalistic side?
That lasted all of about fifteen seconds. I convinced myself that just because I download the recipe didn’t mean I’d have to go home and make/eat/suffer from it tonight. Right? So I went back to Pinterest’s web site and tried scrolling through the various needles again. Needle. Pin. Same difference. I was clamoring through the Internet’s newest haystack at a frustratingly slow pace. What I needed was an easier way to sift through the unnecessary stuff to get to my version of heaven. Something that would lead me through the pearly gates and into the eternal bliss my taste buds so intimately desired. If only, if only, if only. And then I remembered seeing a search feature at the top. And you thought I was over exaggerating about not being tech savvy. Told ya so.
So I typed “oreo” into the search field and clicked the little magnifying glass to the right. You know how when Pandora opened the box her whole world changed? Well, she had it easy. All at once I was greeted with picture after picture, recipe after recipe of the kind of Oreo insanity that no one person should ever have to be subjected to all at once, especially when that one person is me and cannot compute words like “restraint” and “moderation” and “willpower” when there are Oreos around.
My eyes focused on cupcakes topped with Oreos, chocolate covered Oreos, Oreos combined with cream cheese and Jell-O to create the effect of dirt, Oreos adorned with candy corn and miniature Reese’s cups transformed into Thanksgiving Day turkeys, and Oreo cheesecake cupcakes. They salivated over a chocolate chip cookie with an Oreo cookie baked into the middle. The coup de grace was chocolate chip cookie dough layered with whole Oreos layered with brownie mix. Parents, don’t leave whatever this is called under the tree on Christmas Eve unless you want your kids to hate you forever for killing Santa.Now you can begin to see why I said that Pinterest is going to be the death of me. We’re all adults here, mostly. No sense in beating around the bush: I’m going to carpe diem the crap out of every single one of these recipes. So thank you, Sherri Tash, my Facebook friends, and the rest of the Pinterest world for being such a bad influence. I’ll be sure to put your names at the top of the list when I start taking up a collection for a new pairs of fat jeans.
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